The KPI Circus: Stop Selling the Lie of “Scientific” Marketing
When Metrics Cage the Brand: Why Marketing Isn’t a Science Experiment
It’s that time of year again. Budgets, board meetings, the parade of KPIs—all dressed up to make marketing look like a science. And yes, I get it. We need projections. The Board of Directors, your Chief of Staff, the CRO—they all crave numbers. Hard numbers. So, we play along. We pull KPIs out of thin air and pass them off as gospel. The radio campaign? Exactly 734 customers after 28 days. Referrals by week three of January? 22.43%. We act like marketing is as predictable as physics, as if brands can be engineered with decimal-point precision.
Let’s be honest: it’s all vanity theater.
Marketing isn’t a science experiment; it’s strategy wrapped in chaos. People don’t buy because a spreadsheet says they should. They buy because something in the brand resonates, because a story clicks, because they feel something. But we cling to metrics like a security blanket, dressing up numbers to make everyone feel safe. KPIs and targets give us a sense of control, but it’s a comforting illusion. What we’re selling isn’t control; it’s a cage. And by making it all about the numbers, we risk building brands that don’t connect at all.
Yes, metrics matter. They’re the compass that keeps us moving in the right direction. We need them to guide budgets, measure what’s working, and improve. But metrics shouldn’t be the destination. When we say, “Here’s your budget, here’s your target number of customers,” we’re really saying, “Force the square peg into the round hole.” We’re not adapting our strategy to reach people; we’re bending it to meet a quota. And isn’t that the biggest risk? Marketing built for metrics, instead of for meaning? Churn? Retention? Loyalty. Being top of mind? Where does that fit in?
The best campaigns—the ones that actually build brands and drive impact, the ones that people remember—don’t live in numbers. They thrive in creativity, timing, and the spark of a story that lands just right. Metrics can track the path, but they don’t create it. KPIs should be a compass, not a cage. They guide us but don’t dictate where the brand magic happens. We’re not here to play accountant; we’re here to make people care.
Are you here to build something unforgettable or just to hit a target? Because if we keep forcing brands into someone else’s numbers, we’re not just caging our creativity—we’re caging the brand’s potential.
And if that’s the game, are we even in the marketing business anymore?